It will be obvious from my first and previous posts that I have been a ‘victim’ of a cheat.
I have been dumped. I have had the dirty done on me.
I am going through the consequences of infidelity and my partner of 21 years (I am 40) has been having an affair.
But not just one affair!
Well, I don’t even know if these affairs are just a recent thing – I may have been oblivious to his deceptions for years. I will, perhaps, never know.
He has not admitted much in this sorry tale. He is scared to open his mouth or explain. He will only confirm or deny if heavily pressed or cornered, or caught-out with a series of harder and harder questions that ask for more detail each time.
Everything I have uncovered has been from my own investigation, from speaking to people, from having the balls and guts to confront, the bravery to ask out loud, the tenacity to question. I am willing to make myself look stupid and feel embarassed when I do utter the words and try to explain how the man I love and father of my children has done this to me and why it makes me feel so disgraced and ashamed. That I was a stupid chump.
I have not raged or been abusive to anyone. I have held my dignity. I have been clear and weirdly calm on the outside whilst inside is a burning, molten ball of rage, with a nervous, trembling, palpitating and depth plunging anxiety. My nerves have held fast on the surface so far. I have been constantly dizzy and the room has been spinning. Every time I turn my head I think I am going to pass out. I have to steady myself. Grab on.
The ‘divorce diet’ – yes, I’m on it. I do not need sustinence. My guts won’t let me. I cannot look at a plate of food. I still go food shopping, I still cook basic meals for my children but I am surviving on bananas, rare packets of crisps and an occassional biscuit or chocolates. I cannot swallow. I cannot eat.
I see this as a benefit. One of the rare good things to come out of this horrendous situation. What woman doesn’t like to lose weight? I can fit in my tight trousers again. My stomach is flatter. I have lost the pregnancy weight. Grief is the mourning of loss yet I am secretly celebrating losing a few kilos! It must be the love fat draining out my heart!
Oh, the ridiculous irony! I wasn’t good enough or attractive enough for him. Not skinny enough for him like she was. Yet he complained, “she was too skinny to have proper, deep sex”. He thought he would, ” break her” or “snap her”. No ball plunging, deep action for him there then!
That reminds me. I should introduce my co-stars.
First we have ‘Bitch’ – an ex-colleague of his. They used to work together in a local cafe. She had a relationship with his best mate who also worked in the same cafe. (A hub of possible fornication and intrigue). The relationship with Bitch and his best mate started about 3 or 4 years ago whilst she was going through a divorce (as far as I was told. Although I vaguely recall a story where best mate did not realise Bitch was still married and broke it off as he didn’t want to be ‘the other man’). She knows the joys of a long-term serious relationship, she knows the pain of splitting up. She got to do it gradually and mutually as her and her husband had to live in the same house until it sold. She has no children. She is of similar age to me. I think she would like children one day but the clock is ticking for her.
She also happens to rent a property from me/us. She lives in our old family home. She has rented the flat for the past 18 months. I confronted her and told her to leave but that situation is too much to deal with right now.
The second lovely lady is ‘Slutface’. Again a colleague from a different place of work. He hired her and trained her up apparently. I think they were just having a fuckfest and now she is landed with him whether she likes it or not. She is 13 years younger than him. A different generation. She is not averse to posting on social media and letting the world see her life. Her story is untrue – her relationship with him is based on falsehoods and lies, as was Bitch’s. She left the evidence for anyone to find. Alas, she did not know it was evidence.
In a way I am now doing the same by typing this blog. The only difference is this story is mine to tell, is mine to exploit and use in whatever way I see fit. Whatever way helps me or aids other people. And whatever paints the true story and not the edited version that will be released soon by him and his lieutenants.
Yes, my lovely partner told them both he was single, or going through a separation. He jumped the gun by about two years but eventually that wish came true for him.
In his version I had left the family home. This is what he told them both. I left my kids with him and moved back to my parents. He was a single dad. He painted the picture of a devoted father, who had to be there for his young daughter and son. I believe he ‘used’ our 2 month old daughter to ingratiate himself to Bitch initially, then also to Slutface.
I gave birth to our daughter in April 2015, by June 2015, he and Bitch had slept together. Can’t blame my post natal depression for that one as it hadn’t caught me by that point. But one can guess what contributed to it!
It was then February 2016 before he started getting dirty with Slutface. What a busy boy he has been! I only start to find out about his ‘shenanigans’ (sorry, that is too light a word, let me change it.) His… duplicitous, cruel, manipulative behaviour on the 13th November 2016. My D-Day as they say on affair websites. My Remembrance Sunday!