Things change. Life develops, unravels and then hopefully knits itself anew.
I have not written in a while. I could not write. I was too busy doing. Living. Picking up his slack. Juggling life. Managing work. Coping. Trying to be me again but with the luggage of children.
I have a renewed zest for life. I can see the potential and how everyone is trying. I am on a journey of self discovery and reclaiming myself. I never thought something so horrendous could actually turn out positive. Don’t get me wrong, I have my days, my hours, where all I can do is sob uncontrollably. I’d drown in the amount of tears I’ve produced over this. But now, I do not feel dejected – I feel emboldened!
It helps that I’ve had messages of support from friends and family along with the real life support. Surprising too that out the woodwork comes ex-boyfriends, neighbours, acquaintences, work colleagues – all male so far! Am I attractive? Were they waiting to pounce? Thanks for the ego boost lads! I’m enjoying it. Playing with it, Flirting with it. Makes me feel like a desired woman again. Not a rejected, milk covered, unkempt mother who tries to hold it all together. I do not have cards on myself. I know I’m attractive but I’d never use that to gain anything. Perhaps it’s time I started?