Why I’m Angry

So not only do you ruin our family, break my heart, cause our son untold pain and anger, mess countless other people’s emotions up, add to your mother’s pain, make life awkward, leave me in a financial hole, defraud, lie, cheat, fuck about, rack up debt, deceive yourself, destroy your kid’s stability, waste 2 years of ‘Bitch’s’ life, use and lead ‘Slutface’ and her family on, miss out on your daughter’s blossoming, make a fool of yourself, ruin the best thing you ever had… You also steal to save face and falsely impress!?

Why all of this?  Do you know why?  What did you get ou to fit at each stage? What were you aiming for? What weren’t you happy with? If you only wanted to sew your oats then talk about it with me… We could have had a chat, spiced it all up a bit, involved other people – there are solutions to any problem.  I don’t believe you stopped loving me or the kids…

YOU ARE A DICK!! He has never felt emotional pain in his life. Or if he has, that is what’s caused him to be like this.  All his actions would suggest he has no empathy.  I see everything practically. I am emotional on a different level.  His emotions are all about himself to the extreme. Mine’s are all about other people and what they think of me, do they like me, worried I’m possibly not good enough….

I am definitely finding my way back to wholeness. I am returning to my confident, funny, sassy, take no shit self.  What happened to me? I was pushing uphill with him all the time.  i never used to take any shit.  I gave him benefits of doubt  because i loved him.)  Because the sex was good. I thought that wasa love.  How silly!

There are two different connections. I know love and what it should  feel like. I know sex and what it can be like at its all consuming intense best.  To have the two together must be how real relationships feel like.  He conned me into participating in a false version of love.  He was still just a 17 year old boy acting out his fantasies of what life should be like.  I pulled him along behind me, thinking that this is what he wanted too wishing one day he would man up.  You do not cheat to that extent if you truly love someone. You do not use up their capacity, their future.

I still just often think ‘this is normal’ but it is not.  It’s fuckin’ insane.  Everyone must think me foolish or weak for not spotting the signs of an affair.   How did i know the depths he would go to? How did I know he lacked complete respect for me.  I can understand if someone had an affair behind their partner’s back.  I get that someone can be a ‘player’, that there are opportunities for adultery.  What he done was more, it was bigamy but using mine and his family’s and friends resources, money, time, effort, generosity, caring and helping natures. He just took and took and thought about himself all the time.  No wonder he has had a fukin’ stroke! Bastard!

How does one sustain that level of callousness and deceit? For over 2years? He resents me? I fuckin’ resent him.  Pathetic piece of shit! No courage, no moral fibre. .. Just playing at the game of life, hoping for the best and dragging so many people down with him.

Is it dangerous to blog about this? Will he rant and rage? What are my options?  Succumb and bow down? Or expose?  I’m not exposing him so he is punished by society.  I think him being punished enough through his physical and mental ailments. The emotional turmoil is too painful. My investment in him and our future as a family did not pay off because he swindled it all away. Lied, conned and cheated. Worse than a dodgy banker. It is fraud on so many levels.

Good luck Slutface taking this one on.  You have my blessing.  He is unstable.  Maybe him going away with you is the best thing after all.  I am so obsessed about keeping to the rules of amicable separation when in reality there is nothing effing amicable about any of this.  He tries to paint the picture that I done him wrong somehow but I never have.  I am getting accused of running a smear campaign, of posting nasty shit about him.  Would I be doing that if it was all above board… I have been commenting because I am angry just like he hid his comments and life from me on Facebook to make it look like he was single. Fanny!

To those of you who told me to tone it down on social media… I can’t! I have ramped it up even further by writing on this blog. I need to expel,  I need to make people understand it wasn’t me. I supported him through setting g up a business, through quitting his job. I am a fucking enabler to a cheating lying devious bastard.  It wasn’t me being pathetic. I was acting a part that I didn’t know he’d given me. Same with the other two women.   Given roles he expects us to fulfill thinking we had chosen wisely..

Everyone is being so lovely and all I have is suspicion and doubt,’what are they after?’ How do I move on? How do I trust again at face value without passing someone new off no one really understands the depth of betrayal. It is Hugs. I am doing my best thanks to friends and family but at the end of the day they are my kids and I have to hold it together whilst he runs off to Inverness.

Well done love of my life. You have succeeded in making everything across of shit and going against everything I thought we stood for as a couple.

Now you are feeling better. You will try to make me out to be awkward. I am angry. I am lashing out. You are the target. My love for you has gone. You are worthless to me. No niceties now will ever make a ends. I think he is so deranged it’s unsafe for him to be around the children –  even at his own admission.

Someone help. Show me what life as a couple really should be like….. X

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