I take strength from this song. All Seeing I – The Beat Goes On I can dance to it. I can relate to it. All is not over. There will be better out there. I can feel it. I want it. He is not taking that away from me too!
He is not that clever. He is clever in an emotionally manipulative capacity. He is clever in respect of getting women to do what he needs. He is clever in that he can sit back and have no pressures whilst everyone else strives on and sees him ok. Hell even his own mother does not care for him, which may be the root of the issue. But you do not leave your child to fester… You kick them up the arse and you see them right. You drag them by the scruff for their own good. But then I wanted my children maybe they didn’t. Well I know they didn’t. They had no choice.
Another song from the past that I now see in a different light:
It was on Coldcut ‘Beats & Pieces’ CD. The first CD-ROM I ever got that was interactive. We sat, aged 18 and 19 watching it together in my room. Clicking on videos and buttons, amazed at what the future was offering in terms of technology, enmeshed in our love. (i then went on to study interactive graphic design and multimedia, which then led to my job in graphic design). Thinking it was the best thing since sliced bread. I thought he was the best thing too!
History is repeating itself. (which was another of my favourite songs from that same era.)
Oh Lord, how things fall in to place. What pattern am I seeing in my life? What signs of synchronicity and clues that propel me in the right direction. I am loving every minute of this part of it all! Like I have guidance from above. My angel is out there!
I am being watched over. I am looking and now also seeing the horrors and deceit, the lies right in front of me. He has no remorse or conscience. Neither does Slutface. I need her help in this but wow, when this is over I will unleash. I feel the need to save her but in doing that will I sacrifice myself and my sanity? Why do I feel the urge to fix things, why can I not just hold my head up and walk away? Next up on my random YouTube playlist that is playing whilst I type this, is appropriately enough: Nancy Sinatra – These Boots Were Made for Walking
Followed by this: Nancy Sinatra – ‘Bang Bang’ Which I sent to Mr C the other week in a moment of madness that makes perfect sense now! I am riding this roller coaster and holding on for dear life. With the pain and nervousness comes pleasure. Life is good even though it is hard. x
Gosh, I have been busy tonight. And the motorbike is finally out of the garage!