Psychology Nutshell

I am not to blame for this. I am processing and holding the broken pieces together. He cannot explain what he has done. He does not know himself well enough to come to terms with it all whereas I’ve been forced to confront and unravel for my own sanity and security.

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This is the problem. This is why our relationship was never equal. This is why I done all the providing and giving and hard work when it came to the serious aspects of life. He nodded his head and played along but only so he didn’t have to do any of it himself.

He is a selfish, entitled, narcissist and I am an enabler, a soft touch because I loved him. He took my money, he took my love, he took my ideas, he took my credit, he utilised the best bits of life that I gave him to make it look like it was his life too. He was a passenger and I was the driver. Literally!

He lied to his bitches and some of his friends about being able to drive.  He maintained pretence at all costs. He was never brave enough to vocalise his true feelings. He hid and so dug. A deep whole that is now filed with hatred, malice, upset, confusion, spite, anger, toxicity, denial, shame, sadness. It is a deep black hole. It must be awful to be in that hell. To realise what he has done.

I felt guilty for writing this blog but if I didn’t I would have gone under too. I am the exact opposite of him I talk, I open up, I resolve, I confront. I am not scared. People may hate me or think me crass or stupid but I don’t care. This is my life. He took control away from me. I thought we were on the same path but he was just riding my coat tails.

I loved him which is why I gave, why I encouraged, why I supported. My alarm bells did ring at times but I never doubted him as to this level of deceit and cunning.

I may have lost money, the kids may have lost their father but I still have my pride and dignity and a true heart. It is a tougher heart now complete with railings and padlocks but it still beats in time it still wants to experience the joy life has to offer. It will be unlocked by the right person I’m sure.

This link describes his character perfectly….

http://mental-health-matters.com/how-to-raise-a-narcissist/

 

 

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