Do I Send or Ignore?

Last night I was so angry I started writing an email to him. I cannot decided whether to send it or not.

The anger burns deep. Gone is the grief stricken, poor soul, crumbling woman. I never totally disintegrated, I am so much stronger than that but I felt shame, responsibility (laughable I know. This isn’t my doing), like I should be able to fix him. But wait. I don’t want to or need to fix him. He is not my ‘responsibility’ any more. I feel like a weight has been lifted. My perspective and viewpoint has changed.

I see him as a laughable, arrogant, conceited fraudster. He does not have the faith to follow through or admit liability. He says the words but underneath he is cursing me for catching him. It is turned round to be my fault. He has no respect for others or towards himself. He does not even respect the mother of his children enough to explain why he left.

I need to put myself first. Work out what my needs are. I hold all the power and he knows it. Even with my help and financial assistance he couldn’t pull it off,  so his life is probably just as messed up now that he has ‘escaped’.

I know he paints me as a psycho bitch who wants him destroyed but he has destroyed himself. I inadvertently gave. him the noose to hang himself by supporting him and encouraging him to make a go of this business venture. Even now, 7 months after it all went tits up,  I’ve still had to bail him out by paying off the £10k loan and I don’t even get a thank you. He knows I always paid the mortgage. That the house is really mine. It never was an equal partnership. Which is why after a bit of prodding and cajoling, trying to get him to see sense or even just respond, he has eventually signed the house over to me. All done via a lawyer I might add. No direct communication between us apart from facebook messenger nudges and sending annoying messages to slutface to get him to sign.  Oh the screenshots I could show you… I’ll maybe save that for another time.

Anyway, back to the point…  Do I am send him this in an email or not?

XXXXXX, just remember this… I loved you. 

This is going to be blunt. I won’t couch what I have to say in flowery or romantic terms. You know what you meant to me. 
You treated me with no respect or care. You have discarded me and your children with complete contempt.
You have used me to get money to fund a business that you were setting up with another woman yet lying to her too. And as if that wasn’t enough you lied to both of us and disappeared up your own arse with CXXX {‘slutface’}. 
There’s is no explanation.
It seems like utter contempt for everyone.
Lack of respect for us all, for your family, friends and wider.
What made you think you were so special that you could juggle 3 woman?
I’d much rather you had came to me and said you weren’t feeling it with me anymore. That would have been bearable.
To have been discarded twice over is a mind fuck.
I wasn’t good enough for you yet you were happy to live with me, allow me to pay for everything and take yet more money from me.
I didn’t mind because I loved you and when you love someone you support them and respect them and give them honesty, understanding, patience. It’s not just about sex. 
I nor your family or friends have any idea who you are anymore.
Like an old sage I am going to say – ‘you will look back and regret this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.’
Remember, you have done this.
You were leading people down your merry, crazy paved path.
You suckered us all. 
XXXXX {slutface} is that gullible that she’ll lap it up and believe you else she is as twisted as you and will get her own revenge in her sweet way.
Maybe making you fall in love with her will be her payback. It’s hard to see the ‘craziness’ unless you step back from the situation. You are making g her fall in love with you by telling her what she needs to hear. You both make a good team. 
You had what everybody craves, a nice home, lovely children, a sexy and understanding fiancé, nice holidays, good family, my support in many ways.   But it’s not about any of that is it? 
You put yourself first and you know it.
I hope it works out for you but I have a feeling you are on loop, as you have shown.
Step off the madness or continue on? Only you can decide…
I think I may know the root cause of all this.
You do too but like your mother you are not brave enough to say. To come to terms.
It gets swept aside.
I speak the truth and you don’t like that. Not because you are a dishonest person, because you are scared. It is fear that has driven you for years. Not just you. Fear is at the heart of everything we do. How we think, what we do, how we interact with people. 
I am typing this but I don’t know whether to send it. What good will it do?  I can’t help you undo 30 odd years of hurt and shame. Suppression.
I understand but I cannot help you nor feel like helping you anymore.
You know I am not a bad person, that I didn’t deserve to be treated like this by anyone. 
You may not like me for my clarity but it is not resentment you bear towards me it is jealousy. It is from the inside. 
I wish you well. 

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