The Only Rules I Need

I am posting a link to a site that I have just read. It validated me, my thoughts and my healing process. I am NOT abnormal – the situation my ex created is. I was NOT to blame – all his actions came from him and his selfish desires. He disrespected me and my children whilst I gave him too much respect and trust. Once a cheater always a cheater.

Here is the link to my current salvation!

http://tcat.tc/2oO5HGL

For the Record

Hi, it is 6am and again I can’t sleep… The thoughts still whirr… Things are looking up and with each day comes more of the strength and positive self-affirmation needed to keep me (and my kids) fighting through the upset their father has created.

As is common to some cheated on wives, I initially blamed myself – why did he need to cheat, what did I not provide him with, did he not love us enough..  And I now realise it is none of that. His reasons are and will continue to be his reasons. I gave my all to our relationship and it wasn’t enough. I supported him emotionally, financially, I bent over backwards to allow him to go away ‘working’, he duped his family into babysitting so he could go be with either of his slags…

I maybe gave too much and that is the problem but if I didn’t provide and earn money and look after the kids then we would have been destitute a long time ago. So yes, maybe I took on a more traditional male role but we were both happy with that until he decided to use it to his selfish advantage!

So, I am writing with purpose and to restate that at no point did I ever deny him access to his children. On January 14th (or thereabouts) something changed. He went from being a father who wanted an active role in his kids lives to a bumbling wreck (or pseudo bumbling wreck, (I can’t decide)).  Since then he last seen his children at Easter, for 2 hours. No regular contact has been made by him, no questions asked to me as to their wellbeing, or how school is going. If his mother is passing on information then I damn her too as she is only facilitating his patheticness.

If he turns round at a future date and accuses me of witholding his children from him (when he eventually comes to his senses…) then I write this today, 27th July 2017, to highlight that he abandoned his children. Yes, I asked him to leave the family home but that does not mean he was to discard his children too. If I behaved in a similar way to him I would get charged with child abandonment. I am here for my children, protecting them in any way I can. Protecting them in the real sense. Not hiding them from the reality or cruelty of life but helping them understand why a father could be so cruel. I do not do it with malice or vindictiveness but they need to know the age appropriate reality – their Dad left our family unit to go and pursue his own pleasures, using the family money (ie my money & loans), using his extended family’s generosity of babysitting, lying to everyone and doing a disappearing act… The fact he can’t even have a “breakdown” on his own speaks volumes.

I did not deny him seeing his children, he has not fought to see them (yet perhaps makes out to his new friends and cohorts that he has/is). There has been no communication from him regarding the children. He sent his son sporadic ‘pity me’ emails of no substance but even those have dried up as of May.

What does he want his son to think? Why does he wait for action from other people? If I ‘told’ him or again begged him to see his children then maybe he would but he is a grown man and his decisions are his. I cannot bail or facilitate him any longer. He has cost me dearly. He has broken my heart. And if it had been a ‘traditional’ spousal relationship me and the kids would probably be homeless. If he now comes and says he is ‘well’ and wants to see the children does that excuse his abandonment for 6 months? Does that cancel out the negative affects of a child knowing they are not important enough for their father to make an effort? He is that caught up trying to be respectable in front of his new employers, his new ‘in-laws’, slutface knows his true story and has no compassion or empathy for his kids as either she is damaged too or is so needy she’ll take a man who abandons his kids over self-respect.

Knowing what I know and suspecting what I did and had to report to the authorities there never will be any easy fix to this. I cannot compromise my kids safety and well being. I have been lied to and manipulated by the man I loved. I have no trust in him. He cannot be trusted with his own children’s welfare. He has paid 2 months child support voluntarily now but that does not equate to access and never will. As I believe his mother told him “don’t pay to see your children”. He didn’t pay much (until recently) and he hasn’t seen them for half a year! And has now made it so I can’t let him see them even if he begged. His world is that warped he has every avenue sewn up so he doesn’t have to take responsibility. I’m the baddie coz he his unstable and pathetic. If I show compassion I put my children’s safety at risk…. There is no way to turn.

How Isolation and Loneliness Hurt Anxiety

Fighting for a Future

This is a follow on article from The Perils of Social Isolation in which I explored the pitfalls of isolation and loneliness and just what they were. This article offers solutions on how to combat those pitfalls to avoid the subsequent anxiety brought on by isolation or whichever comes first. It’s a real conundrum, isn’t it? Which comes first the chicken or the egg !!!!

I just need some time alone.” This is one of the most common phrases that those with anxiety say when they experience severe anxiety or stress. It’s also one of the most incorrect statements about how to deal with anxiety.Isolation, loneliness, and simply not conversing with others can have a profoundly negative effect on anxiety, in a way that few people even realise.

This article will explore the problems with being alone and why ensuring some type of social atmosphere is important for controlling anxiety.

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PTSD: What it is and how to spot it

Fighting for a Future

One of the most ‘clicked’ on categories on my blog is what is PTSD ? so I think it is worth revisiting this topic but from a different angle. We need to bring awareness to post-traumatic stress disorder, a mental health problem that can afflict people following a traumatic event. Most people have a vague notion what PTSD is but not what it ACTUALLY is and not the difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD.

Anyone who has experienced a traumatic event — an assault, accident or warfare, just to name a few — can experience symptoms of PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a group of stress reactions that can develop after we witness a traumatic event, such as death, serious injury or sexual violence to ourselves or to others. PTSD can happen after we’ve been through one traumatic event, or after repeated exposure to trauma. Sometimes, PTSD can…

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The Effect of Complex PTSD Among People with Bipolar Disorder

Fighting for a Future

You probably know that mood disorders such as major depression, bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) are generally very common. But it may surprise you to learn that they’re much more common in certain groups of people–including those with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD.This is called comorbidity. When two disorders or illnesses occur in the same person, simultaneously or sequentially, they are described as comorbid. Comorbidity also implies interactions between the illnesses that affect the course and prognosis of both.

In fact, Complex PTSD and mood disorders often occur together. When this happens, the mood disorder may be more severe in the person with PTSD and lead to unhealthy behaviours such as substance abuse.

It’s important for to understand 1) the connection between PTSD and mood disorders and 2) the relationship between PTSD and the problems that mood disorders can cause, such as sleep…

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The Purpose of My Blog

At last.. Someone who thinks and writes like I do!

scornedwifeblog

I started this blog in May 2013, 2 months after discovering that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker.

Reading their sexually explicit messages, reading them tell each other how much they couldn’t wait to be together and the future plans they were making, reading them telling each other “I love you”, reading about the things they had been doing together and piecing that into the way my husband was living his life with me and our children at the same time sends a lump to my throat even today as I think about it.

As if it wasn’t bad enough for me to have all of this information imprinted in my brain, it was imprinted in my 15-year old daughter’s brain as well. On top of my own grief I had a very angry teenager who would never see her dad the same way again.  I also had a 10-year old daughter who I was trying to…

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I know, it has been awhile…

I feel exactly the same. He but a life outside of us. Started it before we’d even gelled with our brand new daughter. He never gave us a chance just opted out whilst feigning interest…

scornedwifeblog

I am so tired of my continued, frustrating situation with my ex and the way it has ruined me financially that I don’t even want to be reminded by writing it into words. However, I committed to documenting my experience with infidelity and the consequences on the lives of me, my children,  which includes the consequence for my ex, the other woman, family, friends and those we encounter along the way.  So after a pause, I am back.
Like anything we commit to and then abandon, the longer we leave it unattended, the harder it is to return.  Our marriages can crumble in the same way an exercise regime or healthy eating plan get tossed aside. You turn away from your spouse and start engaging with other people, in other activities that seem more fun than your daily responsibilities and obligations.  You chose to invest your time away from God, your spouse, family and home and suddenly the…

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