I have been trying to uphold no contact. I do not wish to see, speak or hear from him. Yet I have so much I want to hurl at him. He hurts me and his children yet spends his free time in the pub and going trips, taking no responsibility for his children at all. He is pathetic…
I hear he has been working more hours so I’ve contacted the csa to increase his payments. I am sick of paying for everything. (I paid for his life for the 17 years that we lived together. I used to get frustrated that he would never contribute to bills. It irritated me a lot but he was a good and attentive father back then so I let it slide). I prided myself on earning enough part time to support us all. I now realise he has no pride or self respect. He is out for himself and must’ve always had been. I would never tolerate that from anyone else so why him?
I was happy, so maybe I have to accept that, I could never have predicted how it would end as he lied so much. I had no chance.
I truly hate him and his actions – he has turned me into a crumpled, non sleeping mess, that I never was before. I am stronger and more confident now but I have so much resentment it chokes me and boils over frequently.
I hear she is taking him to Warsaw for his 40th birthday. Let’s see what chaos happens whilst they are away…. I have a plan! I was thinking to ruin him like he has mentally ruined me. It is taking me all my guts and determination to keep going. To the point I neglect other chores in life to allow me to mentally process my accession.
I have joined two dating websites and the comments of how stunning I am, gorgeous, hot, so pretty are words and phrases I have never heard before. Least not from him! I am amazed It has given me a boost that I sorely needed. Last look 1,422 guys wanted to meet me. That’s 1 a day for the next 4 years nearly!! It’s ridiculous. (Else they are desperate.) I never realised I was desirable before… I thought he was the catch but he is fucking nothing! I would not piss on him if he was on fire! I am liking the attention a little too much then I get frustrated when I can’t go on a date because I have to take care of the kids all the time…
Oh and for more closure – I’ve deleted all his family and friends off Facebook. What’s the point? I’m not really friends with them, just had to tolerate most of them because they came with him. He doesn’t honour them so why should I? (I do really like a couple of them and it is nothing personal towards them but I honsetly can’t face having any connections with his family. It is too painful. Maybe in time once I am less fragile but it is social media – it doesn’t ultimately matter – [eople arin your life becuae you want them to be, beccause they matter to you…) His mum talks about them all like she is so much better…. I don’t think so. I don’t think any of her sisters sons have done anything remotely like this in their lives…? They all provide for and cherish their children.
I hope it will be worth all the chaos and fallout. This is not my doing. This is not my responsibility. I’ll do what suits me. He has discarded his kids and nothing he can say or say or do from now on in will make that up.
I’m off to do Santa presents on my own cause he doesn’t give a shit about his children!