A quote courtesy of Chump lady.com

I have just read this in the comments section of today’s chump lady.com post. I feel this sums up my exs behaviour completely. Jaw dropped. Total nutshell.

“The problem is sexual acting out disorders are not just sexual behaviors (Minwalla, O., 2012), but are also abusive conduct patterns and complex pathologic systems, which often include elaborate deceptive compartmentalized sexual-relational realities and systems of abusive covert management (Jason, S., 2008; Minwalla, O., 2011; Minwalla, O., 2012). These are patterns of methodical planning over time, careful construction of manipulation of others and cognitive schemas well maintained in order to keep a compartmentalized reality protected from discovery (Jason, S., 2008). It takes pre-planning to sexually-act out in many instances, sometimes requiring days of strategizing against the integrity of vital relational stability and family infrastructure required for health. In fact, maintaining a compartmentalized sexual or relational reality within a family system and relational intimate life takes profound energy to orchestrate and maintain, requiring careful and skilled methodology. This is not simply impulsive or compulsive sexual behavior.

A disorder of chronic lying in a family system is pathology and requires treatment, regardless of sexual acting out or not. Chronic patterns of establishing and maintaining a deceptive, compartmentalized sexual-relational system in an intimate relationship or family system, is pathology and harmful, which is more accurate in description then simply “compulsive pornography use”. The process of gaslighting an intimate partner (Jason, S., 2008), the process of intentional psychological manipulation of victim’s reality (Jason, S., 2008) or any human being over time is a form of emotional and psychological abuse and torture, eroding and damaging the victim’s survival instincts and intuition (Minwalla, O., 2011), regardless of sexual behaviors (Jason, S., 2008). Clearly, there exist many symptoms of pathology, beyond the single symptom of “lack of control of specific sexual behaviors” or “compulsivity”.”

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How Isolation and Loneliness Hurt Anxiety

Fighting for a Future

This is a follow on article from The Perils of Social Isolation in which I explored the pitfalls of isolation and loneliness and just what they were. This article offers solutions on how to combat those pitfalls to avoid the subsequent anxiety brought on by isolation or whichever comes first. It’s a real conundrum, isn’t it? Which comes first the chicken or the egg !!!!

I just need some time alone.” This is one of the most common phrases that those with anxiety say when they experience severe anxiety or stress. It’s also one of the most incorrect statements about how to deal with anxiety.Isolation, loneliness, and simply not conversing with others can have a profoundly negative effect on anxiety, in a way that few people even realise.

This article will explore the problems with being alone and why ensuring some type of social atmosphere is important for controlling anxiety.

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PTSD: What it is and how to spot it

Fighting for a Future

One of the most ‘clicked’ on categories on my blog is what is PTSD ? so I think it is worth revisiting this topic but from a different angle. We need to bring awareness to post-traumatic stress disorder, a mental health problem that can afflict people following a traumatic event. Most people have a vague notion what PTSD is but not what it ACTUALLY is and not the difference between PTSD and Complex PTSD.

Anyone who has experienced a traumatic event — an assault, accident or warfare, just to name a few — can experience symptoms of PTSD. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a group of stress reactions that can develop after we witness a traumatic event, such as death, serious injury or sexual violence to ourselves or to others. PTSD can happen after we’ve been through one traumatic event, or after repeated exposure to trauma. Sometimes, PTSD can…

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The Effect of Complex PTSD Among People with Bipolar Disorder

Fighting for a Future

You probably know that mood disorders such as major depression, bipolar disorder, and seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) are generally very common. But it may surprise you to learn that they’re much more common in certain groups of people–including those with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD.This is called comorbidity. When two disorders or illnesses occur in the same person, simultaneously or sequentially, they are described as comorbid. Comorbidity also implies interactions between the illnesses that affect the course and prognosis of both.

In fact, Complex PTSD and mood disorders often occur together. When this happens, the mood disorder may be more severe in the person with PTSD and lead to unhealthy behaviours such as substance abuse.

It’s important for to understand 1) the connection between PTSD and mood disorders and 2) the relationship between PTSD and the problems that mood disorders can cause, such as sleep…

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The Purpose of My Blog

At last.. Someone who thinks and writes like I do!

scornedwifeblog

I started this blog in May 2013, 2 months after discovering that my husband was having an affair with a co-worker.

Reading their sexually explicit messages, reading them tell each other how much they couldn’t wait to be together and the future plans they were making, reading them telling each other “I love you”, reading about the things they had been doing together and piecing that into the way my husband was living his life with me and our children at the same time sends a lump to my throat even today as I think about it.

As if it wasn’t bad enough for me to have all of this information imprinted in my brain, it was imprinted in my 15-year old daughter’s brain as well. On top of my own grief I had a very angry teenager who would never see her dad the same way again.  I also had a 10-year old daughter who I was trying to…

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I know, it has been awhile…

I feel exactly the same. He but a life outside of us. Started it before we’d even gelled with our brand new daughter. He never gave us a chance just opted out whilst feigning interest…

scornedwifeblog

I am so tired of my continued, frustrating situation with my ex and the way it has ruined me financially that I don’t even want to be reminded by writing it into words. However, I committed to documenting my experience with infidelity and the consequences on the lives of me, my children,  which includes the consequence for my ex, the other woman, family, friends and those we encounter along the way.  So after a pause, I am back.
Like anything we commit to and then abandon, the longer we leave it unattended, the harder it is to return.  Our marriages can crumble in the same way an exercise regime or healthy eating plan get tossed aside. You turn away from your spouse and start engaging with other people, in other activities that seem more fun than your daily responsibilities and obligations.  You chose to invest your time away from God, your spouse, family and home and suddenly the…

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Living life by Loving Yourself- A guide to “SELF LOVE”

MaxHapp+

Everyone in this world gets upset when others criticize them. Everyone is feeling demotivated in different fields of life. All this comes by “Not Knowing Yourself” as well as by “Not Loving Yourself”. By being aware of your capabilities and qualities, you can bring happiness and love in you life. “SELF LOVE” is the door to happiness so just welcome it in your life.

HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF IN ABSENCE OF SELF-LOVE 

Before making the entrance of Self-Love in your life, you must be aware of  how you think about yourself on the physical and inner level.

Physical level:  Comparing our physical appearance to others have become part of our daily life. As soon as you see someone beautiful than you,  you think that other person is better than me. Which is not true at all. Through self love you can eliminate these…

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